I was talking to a friend of mine last week about the differences in my children and how some days, when they're at their extremes, I'm exhausted trying to meet all of their individual needs. Over the years I've explained to her the importance I put on my children's differences and unique personality traits...something she said she didn't initially think about but has come to examine regularly in her own children.
Only a few days a year can I tell Martha, "Go clean your room." Most days I have to break it up or she immediately feel overwhelmed...organization is not one of her gifts. August, on the other hand, is as type A as a child can be and was putting his sippy cups on coasters when he was 1...he still appreciates structure. Hazel is a good mix of the two and keeps me on my toes.
I found this website a couple of months ago and had totally forgotten about it until I was searching my computer's history for something else and it reappeared by accident, serendipitously. The site is Personality Lab and there you can study your children's uniqueness and begin to think about their gifts and the best way to bring them out...or to work through more trying parts of their personality.
This is a good starting point...from here you can research books on their specific personality styles and how your own can coexist more harmoniously.